I use to be really argumentative; more than I am now and 100 times more uncivil! I did it because people use to make fun of me for failing so much in high school and graduating when I was 21, two years past when I should have. I felt that if I could argue and prove I was right that would make me someone; it would make people respect me. It didn’t!
It was just a veneer to not deal with the shame, the deep invading thought that I was not worthy of love, joy, happiness, and belonging; the deeply held, concrete conviction that I was nothing and something was wrong me, that I was bad.
Annnnnnd unfortunately (but really maybe fortunately?) it took a divorce to finally make me pay attention to shame and see it’s nastiness in my life! I’m hard headed, so i guess God has to get through to us somehow. Not that He caused my divorce, but that He seized it to say:
Hey, Jon, come with me and let us take a deeper look within what lies inside your heart; I want to shine My Light there!”
At the end of the day, I gotta say it definitely made me do that, and I’ve not been the same sense…..
For the better.